Slut shaming part two: Repercussions and uncomfortable truths

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How many times have you heard some unlucky guy complain about the fact that he never gets laid?

I am sure you have heard about it more often than you would like to admit. There are memes about it. There are even books detailing how to get a woman into bed with men, most of which provide tips like “Draw attention to yourself with ridiculous outfits” and “Compliment a woman shortly after you insult her.”

But there is a simple way to get a woman to sleep with you more easily, and you may not have ever thought about it: Make her feel less ashamed of having a sex drive.

In fact, make sex in general less shameful to her. Make her feel safe. Treat her like a human being. Maybe start treating women in general a little bit more like human beings and a little less like they belong on a pedestal. Maybe you will find that you get lucky a little bit more often.

Or maybe not. Because even if guys individually treat women a little bit less like items, they still have the rest of society to deal with.

The topic comes up often. I am sure many people have heard the words “slut” and “tramp” used to describe a woman who has a lot of sex. But to be fair, isn’t the same true of women who choose to not have sex? The word “prude” is thrown around more often than many would like to admit. Women who do not have sex with men they are not attracted to are often portrayed as being cruel, capricious, thoughtless, even stupid, when in fact the opposite is true.

It is reverse slut-shaming. No matter what a woman does, she gets criticized for it.

Yes, women make bad decisions when it comes to dating men, but men do the same exact thing. I have seen many of my friends chase after immature, poorly-developed women who are not ready for relationships. Yes, I have seen women chase after the so-called bad boy and I’ve even done it myself a few times. But there is a natural female parallel to the infamous “bad boy,” and men chase after her just like women chase after their misunderstood Casanovas.

I’m not saying all men treat women like dirt. Quite the contrary – we’ve made a lot of progress in the past fifty years or so. However, it would be a little disingenuous of me to say that female sexuality isn’t policed. It is.

Radford has a bit of a… shall we say, “reputation,” when it comes to parties, but despite this, there’s a stronger sense of judgment being held over the heads of many women who go to this school. I’ve experienced this firsthand. People who know me understand my reasons, but this doesn’t mean they don’t cluck their tongues and remark about the many ways I’m squandering my youth. They don’t understand that my actions – including the sexual ones – are actions I take that are necessary for my development as a human being. One day, I will likely settle down with a monogamous partner; but right now, I need to figure out what I want out of life, and I see nothing wrong with that.

Many people disagree.

Yes, the attitudes towards women who choose to be promiscuous have lightened, but the fact of the matter is that female sexuality is often seen as a mistake, particularly if it’s not expressed within a monogamous relationship. I have heard many friends of mine talk about the “mistakes” women are seen as making when they choose to be sexually active, and the fact that sexuality in any form is seen as a mistake is troubling to me. Men are allowed to have sex with whoever they choose. Women, on the other hand? No. We’re not. Not without serious criticism, anyway.

There is such a thing as ethical promiscuity. All one has to do to practice ethical promiscuity is ensure, to the best of your ability, that no one gets hurt from what you’re doing. It’s not that hard, all you need is a little honest communication. No one can see the future, but there are steps you can take to ensure you’re not hurting someone.

I, personally, don’t regret my sexuality. I do regret my romantic actions (and I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t), but I have never looked back on any of my encounters and regretted them. I likely never will.